


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 124

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 11:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6283039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues of Obi-Wan Kenobi during his time on Tatooine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 124

TATOOINE – Day 124: 

The Jedi Order taught us not to form attachments and not to hate, for these are the paths to the dark side. Now the Jedi are no more, and my personal path to the dark side is sleeping but a few inches away, snoring and passing gas like an obese tauntaun. This tent, which might as well be my tomb, has turned into an aromatic nightmare. I swear I can smell everything Owen has eaten over the last week. This man who is slowly suffocating me, and baby Luke, with his diet of bantha burgers, alcohol, and blue milk, once accused me of allowing Anakin to turn to the dark side. And just days ago he abandoned this infant outside in full view of Tuskens, but still he has the nerve to forbid me from training Luke. Owen said he didn't want me to create a second monster. But as I cradle Luke in my arms I silently convey to him that I would give my life before I would allow him to follow in his father's footsteps. I failed Anakin, all of us did. But I will not fail this baby. The sounds emanating from Owen breaks my train of thought. I match his breathing, so much so that I feel I begin to control it. How easily I could silence him. But Luke stirs and brings me back to reality. A reality where I am the protector, and Luke, not his father, is the chosen one. Before we set out on our misfit’s voyage, Owen had tried to confess a horrible truth to me. Already wanting to plunge my saber into him for risking the life of Luke, I ignored him and instead began the task of burning the Tusken's bodies. To my surprise Tuskens burn rather well. Their tightly wound protective wraps act as a wick, preventing their fat from burning out too quickly. Their scorched bodies gave off a putrid smell, but nothing as bad as my current tent mate. Owen was drunk the first three days of our journey. He kept trying to get me to drink with him in some sort of twisted bonding ritual to celebrate the fact that I had not ended his life. Having not partaken in any mind altering substances since I had joined the order as a rebellious youth, his gluttonous addiction sickened me. It was during the height of his drunken and dehydrated delirium that I finally allowed him to confess why he thought he was responsible for the death of Shmi Skywalker Lars. His story began with the self-pitying I had expected. He had been a drug addict. It had gotten so bad that he nearly lost his father's moisture farm to the Hutt's loan sharks. So his father Cliegg along with Owen's girlfriend Beru conspired together to put an end to the madness. One day they locked Owen in his room to force him into withdrawals. Schmi (who missed her son Anakin terribly) was overprotective of Owen because of their closeness in age, and easily influenced. Owen convinced her to venture out to the vaporators alone to pick him some psychedelic mushrooms. That’s when the Tuskens took her. At that point in Owen’s tale I cut him off and told him it was time to set up camp. Before dawn I will take Luke and leave this clueless bastard behind. Without his landspeeder and its Tatooine Positioning System he will be completely lost and with luck will be dead within two days time.


End file.
